Is my love known?

Psalm 91:14-16, Psalm119

I looked out of the kitchen window one night between hills arching either side of the valley view I gazed upon the lights that twinkled on the ocean’s horizon . My soul breaths: I love you, to the one who first breathed and created it all. In a brief moment, my mind responded: I wonder if you know it ? For I have been in the position of unrequited love before.

Silly Milly, he surely would, he knows the true testimony of you,more than you do, He’s not a human but the ALPHA, OMEGA BEGINNING AND THE END, He’s the one that knows the number of hairs on your head: each squiggle, each knot!! It’s because of this fact that I have to ask his opinion of me.

The one who knows my past, present and future. The one whose eyes are piercing and sees even into my deceitful {desparately wicked} heart which can be easily self-centred and that no one can truly know, but YOU!! Comfort washes over me as your Holy Spirit utters I am in you: I am changing you: A sigh of relief as the toxic air building in my chest is released.

Thank you for continuing the work in me and for choosing me as your subject to mould.I know that I am your prized possession I am one of your loved ones. I look at the mountain and the sea and think of clay from the earth; spoilt I was in the hand of the great potter Jeremiah 18:4 and yet you saw to it that you would perfect me: shaping me anew. You could have discarded me but You did not.

My eyes look up again to the stars, studying them one by one, I soak up the beauty whilst my mind questions the science of it all. How did you set up this suspension? A synergy of forces: those pushes and pulls between masses, the balance of all bodies travelling through space and time each finding their position to shine!!

Time: the measurement of passing moments but sometimes it’s frustrating to me because I long for the understanding of time by your standards as I wait upon you at the smudged dim glass. Then more questions come of this perplexing, how we have been confused in the way we mere humans operate?

Why when we were supposed to be one church united do we have so many walls between us my God? Under the banner of “Christian”, some are not even really teaching your truths but a distortion. My GOD!!! My eyes moisten. Why aren’t we more “family” like? Show me how I can love my brothers and sisters in Christ: genuinely! Show us your truths. Help us to understand.

Why is it that as I stand here quietly I am made aware and must confess to you that in latent moments I think on my wishes more often than I want to? More often than I’d admit I settle into thoughts about me,  what I’m about, about my friends or about the person that I love or that I would like to love me one day, about this world, current events, etcetera, etcetera…? When instead of your precepts I think of these things am I pleasing you? I often wonder if you get upset with me because of my meditations? May they be pleasing to you Lord in content and frequency of particular thoughts. I don’t think about sin (for I now shun it)  I mostly just think about wishes, or is this too a sin? Or is that “super-spiritual” in any case I know that this is still not necessary compared to the joy of a mind stayed on you, Lord!! You have told me to  Col3:2Set your mind and keep focused habitually on the things above [the heavenly things], not on things that are on the earth [which have only temporal value] So  I ask again ” I wonder if you know that I love you, Lord?” as my mind’s voice shakes “because I do: immensely and I long for it to be faithfully and unceasingly so, made pure by your word”.

Psalm119:10 With all my heart I have sought You, [inquiring of You and longing for You];
Do not let me wander from Your commandments [neither through ignorance nor by willful disobedience].

I inhale as I think about my human loves, (trying to see it from your lens ):how can I glorify you in this? How do I deal with unrequited Human loves? Again, my heart whispers I wonder if you know it: Human? The answer, this time, cannot be always sure as so it goes with those who cannot read the condition of hearts or read the mind of man. Either way, I know that God is in control of my paths and I am not to be concerned with their response to me:I must never cease to LOVE in the  manner which you commanded me. May I honour you God in my expression of it and may you know that I love you in my innermost being, in thoughts, words and deeds. Help me love you undividedly. Then my eyes move back to the task at hand but my meditation continues…

1 John 5:3 Amplified Bible For the [true] love of God is this: that we habitually keep His commandments and remain focused on His precepts. And His commandments and His precepts are not difficult [to obey].

{I set my Love on the Lord}

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